Freedom.

It's getting close. I've already established this morning that it smells like barbecue. I'm not really smelling beer or weed, just barbecue, but I'm sure it's involved. For now, I'll settle with my blonde brownie and my history paper.

I've been whining about this paper for quite a while in this blog by now, which is a bit ridiculous. It's only a five page paper. Nothing!! But therein lies the problem: it's only a five page paper. Trying to condense the rather interesting (and long) life of a composer into a five page paper is more difficult than rattling on for twenty. And at first, I was just going on all this great detail, which would be wonderful if I was writing a chapter in a book or a higher level and longer research paper. But when I looked at what I had done, I had at least two pages, and I wasn't even through college yet. This concludes my latest whine about my paper.

I'm getting sick of the segments on CNN where people send in videos of themselves. People shouldn't be allowed to talk publicly. Actually, the lady who was just on was pretty cool. They're talking about the swine flu thing, and she gave a demonstration of using hand sanitizer. What a great idea! A bit sad that people need a demonstration of that, but we'll pretend it's okay.

I've discovered that, counter to logic or intuition, blonde brownies on a really hot day are heavenly. They get all melty. Mmmmmmelty.

I'm not stoned.

Promise.

Often, I tend to be the advice person among my friends. You know, the one that people go to when they need help or a different perspective. This sounds like I'm bragging, but I'm really not. If anything, I'm quite perplexed because I can't even handle my own life. But in this vein, I've been giving a lot of advice to a very close friend who is dating for the first time in years. I find this particularly ironic, because my own love life is in absolute shambles.

Even more ironic, hearing all of this from my friend is getting to me. It makes dating something that I want to try again. This feeling hasn't ever really left, but even the thought of it gets me down. After my last few relationships, I just get sleepy when I think about doing it again. 

It gets just a bit worse when I start to think of what is motivating me to want to date again. It would be nice to think of it as the natural yearning for a partner, but it usually seems like I just crave the security in it. But then, I see the downside of people being secure in their relationships (no explanation is coming) and I wonder if it's maybe a better idea to just wait a bit longer.

I certainly hope you didn't waste too much time reading that.

I think there's more to say about things, but I'm going to call it done for now.

Advice for gays: Choose your battles. Not every tiny offense can honestly be called a major issue. Discrimination in the workplace: fucking huge issue. Don't ask, don't tell: pretty big issue. Marriage equality and adoption rights: big issue. AIDS research and awareness: really big issue. People calling things gay: not an issue. Lyrics in rap music: not an issue. Religions not accepting homosexuality: not an issue and not going to change. Work on the things that we can actually do something about.