Contentment

...is a warm puppy that you wake up next to.

Frustration is what happens when no matter how hard you try, you still fall short.

Relief is when you realize that you don't have to be hurt and look for that needle in a very gay, buttfucking, slutty haystack anymore.

Love is what happens when you realize that even your clinical depression is no match for the smiles that can one person can give you.

Failure is what happens when you get too into those smiles and forget to actually function.

Boredom is the time at work between texts.

Betrayal is when jealous people try to ruin your happiness because they have none of their own.

Coincidence doesn't exist.

Fate is when the one you love is as dorky as you.

Anger starts when you see people acting like little bitches to each other.

Dreams come true. But rarely.

Moments really must be seized. Every person only gets so many.

Work is just a way to keep yourself alive until your next smile.

Books can only impart so much. Go outside.

The past is only the thing that brought you to where you are. It doesn't exist. It's over. The only thing that is real is now and tomorrow.

Impossiblities

We can cross finding someone off that list. Unfortunately, it seems we can now add balancing life. I have way too much going on at the moment, with an exam in Biology tomorrow, a presentation (that involves me playing tuba) on Thursday, a brass quintet gig, six performances of a musical and my boyfriend. Oh, and composing my boyfriend's birthday present. I'm basically completely out of time to do anything, and I'm getting a bit worried.

And that's just it. We both want success in our lives, and success for each other. But (and I won't speak for him) I'm getting perilously close to absolute failure. And that's not good. There's a piece of the Carnegie mansion at an architectural salvage yard that we have our eye on.

I admit, we'll both be fine, but it really brings to light the dangers that can be present in everything being fine. In addition, I realize how ridiculous it is to be complaining about having no time to even get the bare minimum done but posting a blog instead of actually working on it. Well I needed to vent. Shut up.

God there's so much else to talk about. For now I'll just say that if you get a chance, visit Cohoes, NY. Sooo beautiful and impressively historical. Gigantic old beautiful mill, locks from the Erie Canal, Cohoes Falls, it just keeps getting better every step. My only other piece of advice is not to drive back through Troy, unless you really like fat, ugly skanks who park in the middle of the road because they feel that getting knocked up allows them to, who then act like you're the asshole for wanting to drive down the street.

Okay back to it. Bye bye.

Advice for gays: Eat at PF Chang's. They love us there.

Bets

Every time you start seeing someone, it's like making one. Everything works out in a way that almost seems up to chance, but you still do everything you can to make it come out in your favor, whether this means praying...or trying to cheat. Of course, there's no way to cheat your way to success with someone else (especially when 'cheat' can be taken different ways).

So I think you can guess the latest events in my life. Which is good because I don't really like you enough to tell you.

The library is quiet today; I'm at the Circulation desk. Blahhhhhh and I have to go to my office in a bit anyway. And finish an arrangement for my quintet because I no longer do productive things at home.

I get more sick of police by the day. I haven't gotten pulled over or busted or anything like that. It's more just what you see on the streets and read in the papers. (So if you don't know what I'm talking about, read the paper. [If you're American, chances are you may need someone to read it to you.])

So my summer just got busier. In addition to that boy, I'm playing with the quintet, arranging for the quintet and playing trombone in a production of My Fair Lady. (I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank Shaun Bazylewicz of my quintet for lending me a trombone.) I actually pushed my start date at Staples back to accommodate My Fair Lady. That might not seem like such a great idea, because Staples pays. But I've been needing to do something different with music. So playing trombone in a musical should fulfill that.

Okay time to go do library work. Byeeeee!

Advice for gays: Be like Brian McKenna. Actually, don't. One is enough, especially when combined with the triumph I can wallow in knowing that I took that one away from you.

Bio Lab

I think I'm going to start using my biology lab time to devise ways to poison the class. Okay that's a bit too easy to get arrested by saying, with counter-terrorism and all. I will um.... make all of their lives unpleasant...and rather short.

Seriously, I think this course raising my blood pressure. There are like 3 cool people in total, including a freshman taking courses early, a pretty rad hippyish kid who works at Ben and Jerry's (at Lark and Jay Street!!!!) and this girl from Oklahoma. She's great, just from Oklahoma. Cattle country, Oklahoma. Her dad's a rancher. That's worse than just bible-thumping Oklahoma. But she's probably my favorite, nonetheless.

Side note: no one cares about your kids. This is especially true while in a college class (probably high school, too). Unless you're a very close friend of mine, I am not going to give two shits about your children. Probably not even one shit. And in class, I'm going to be very angry at you for basically wasting my money. I pay money to sit in class to better understand the material I have to learn in order to pass and get a job some day. So when you go on and on and on about your unfortunate offspring (Unfortunate means that if I have to hear this in class, I can only imagine what their lives are like.), you basically waste my class time, which wastes my money. So (whether in class or not) always remember: the only one who cares what Little Johnny did the other night is you. And Little Johnny.

Even saying Little Johnny just now annoyed the crap out of me. But it's perfect because it really brings out the mocking that this behavior brings on those who are guilty of it.

Okay I'll stop yelling at parents now. I'm not going to stop parking in the 'customer with child' spots at Price Chopper, though.

So as you can see, I've been in a science class all day, and am angry about it. Angry enough to stand there with my fists balled at my sides, with a scrunched up face saying "ooooooooo I'm sooooo angry!!!!"

I'm going to go do that now. Bye.

Birds

Yesterday some guy in my biology class said that birds can't breathe when they fly because "they're way up in the air." While the professor was trying to explain (and doing a very good job at covering his urge to just slap the guy), I said that was like saying that you can't breathe while running.

But really? Really?!? ...???!!!!!

I thought I went to a decent school until they let him in.

Blah blah blah

I've been saying that compulsively lately. Not as a statement or anything, just kind of saying it randomly. More like singing it even. Ask my roommate, I'm a weirdo. Not quite as weird as her cat, Chitten, though:

What a weird cat. In all fairness, my dad's dog Koda is worse:

I would like to make it known that I did not see Harry Potter last night, nor do I plan to. I do, however, really want to post that picture of Daniel Radcliffe with his gigantic British penis flopping everywhere. But Blogger would probably kick me off, and the world would lose its toast to toast. So I'll include a posterior (fuck you, biology) picture instead:

So yeah, I'm really bored at work again. Lately I only seem to post from work. I think it's because I go home and do basically nothing all night. Then I get really lazy and when I think of writing something I fall asleep.

I just found a blog written by old ladies about young men's penises. I would post a link but I'm pretty sure I just stumbled onto a network of underground super cougars and I want to investigate this more before unleashing it to the world, or the six of you reading.

My fruit fly and I are telepathic. We can guess numbers between 1 and 10 over AIM and read the other person's thoughts and motivations. We're pretty much better than you and your fruit fly.

I could probably say other things, but there hasn't really been substance in this post yet and honestly, there's none on its way until the very end anyway, so I'm going to say good night. (I'm going to crawl into a cabinet and sleep now K BAI!!)

Advice for gays: There are too many of you at my college. Since it's summer vacation, it seems like a great time for half of you to leave. Gross and lame people first, thanks.

Circulation

NOT blood circulation. Take your biological words and leave! God damn I do NOT like science. Et al. Almost as much as it dislikes me.

Interlibrary loan has let me down. FOR THE LAST TIME! Kidding I'm not going to quit. (For those of you just tuning in, I work in interlibrary loan.) Actually, today I gained five more hours, but I'm working at the Circulation Desk instead. There is no supervisor yet. Technically, because of how my new hours are classified (permanent as opposed to temporary), I'm the supervisor. Except that it's my first hour and no one is here to train me.

So apparently Ireland just passed an anti-blasphemy law. I thought that was cute. 17th Century - 1, Rationalism - 0.

I'm looking at the cover of a Saint Rose Undergraduate Catalog right now (you know the books that the list all of the courses and policies and stuff). The cover consists of nine pictures showing scenes from around the campus. One picture is of the decorative columns of St. Joeseph Hall. My question: Who the hell cares about the columns? What a stupid picture. It is also from the academic year where I met my ex of all exes, who went to Saint Rose. I find that interesting. And a bit sad.

Sadness aside (that was quick), it's almost time for that guy to come in and train the crap out of me. But it's nice to have gotten an hour totally free. Now I smile. Bye bye.

Dismay

Sometimes you can write a blog entry filled with rules and plans while you're in a bad mood. Then you can break or almost break every single rule or plan you lay out in it. If you're the type of person this could happen to, I recommend not re-reading the first blog. Trust me, you'll be less compelled to write this one, which would be nice.

Evil

Best all-inclusive adjective for my personality. I'm so bitter and MEAN LOL i'll kick your ass!! For NO REASON BECAUSE I AM SOOOO EVIL!!!

In all seriousness, I'm not really evil, just consistently annoyed by people. Gay people most of all. I am not a huge fan of whining, so I just have trouble dealing with these people. "I got picked on as a kid!" "Life isn't entirely fair to me 100% of the time!" "I prove with my parades how different I am from everyone and yet I want equal rights!" It's really just becoming whining. And weird whining when you actually look at how dysfunctional gay relationships are. (I speak only for gay men on this one. I've never been a lesbian and don't have many lesbian friends so I really can't say.)

I just went through my AIM and deleted every gay person that I don't talk to. I'm not giving it out anymore. This is getting ridiculous. My list is like half as long now. Plus then there's the IMs that you get from people you don't know asking who you are. I think I need a fake AIM account. Like a "for gays only" account. Then I'll give all the gays that are already on my list the new account, and stop using it. See? Evil.

On a related note, I'm learning that as far as dating and sex is concerned, I'm still not ready for it. This break I'm on is wonderful. So little drama! I don't want it to end just yet. And my 21 minimum age limit? Yeah that's staying.

I want to clean my apartment and take pictures of it and broadcast them to the world because it's cute!!

Instead, I'll go home tonight and tan, do my laundry, maybe even go for a run. I don't know. I was going to hang out with someone but he's gay and today might not be the best idea for that. But I need something to do, so that will probably be it.

Lady Gaga needs to live on the radio station we play at work. Seriously, this classic rock has to go!

Advice for gays: If you have an opinion that is almost specific to the person you're talking to, and it denigrates and judges their lifestyle, regardless of how unhealthy that lifestyle may be, you should keep it to yourself. Because at that level, it becomes less opinion than insult or judgement. And the person you're talking to will probably just stop with all that.

Independence

...is equal to watching fireworks from a roof. Let me tell you, from the top of a 3 story building, you feel quite liberated while watching fireworks erupt over Empire State Plaza in Albany. Also, if you're afraid of heights, you feel terrified.

Roofs are just not good places for me. Ever. Unless it's one story up or something. I was basically in a fetal position the entire time clinging to the divider between two rooftops. But wow, what a show! They did the fake grand finale thing that I love so much, but over and over. It was seriously complete with drama and intrigue. Not bad for exploding things. 

About what I wrote (earlier today) yesterday with the whole feeling patriotic thing. I don't think I quite hit it on the head. I think I was just drunk or something. Idk. Whatever. I barely even remember what I wrote...as usual.

Maybe it's weird that I truly never remember what I write here. Maybe it's not. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

I'm out of ideas. Happy 4th of July.

P.S. It's so shitty but this will be officially published on the 5th of July. So happy whatever of July baaah!

Summer

I think I'm losing it into a fog. In other news, happy Fourth of July. But not really because I haven't gone to bed yet from the 3rd.

I don't consider the day to actually change until I've gone to bed and woken up, regardless of what time it is. The only exception is the all-nighters I frequently pull.

This year, more than most others, I'm kinda feeling Independence Day. It's an enormous relief not to be horribly embarrassed every time the president speaks, and cringing at the thought of people from other nations tuning in. I went to Europe during this time, and if it wasn't for the fact that I was in a group of almost 50 people (strength in numbers), I would have ducked my head in shame or claimed to be from Toronto. I even got hit on at various times, which I just found ridiculous given the numbers of gorgeous people walking around due to men's much greater consciousness of their looks and presence, high use of walking and public transportation and vastly reduced (over American) portion sizes. 

It seems like even though the economy is still in the toilet (with an announcement just today...er, yesterday...that the unemployment rate has now *officially* reached 9.5 %, with uncounted numbers possibly bringing the true total to almost 20%), the wars are still going on, marijuana is still illegal, violence is still glorified while sex and nudity are demeaned as unnatural and dirty, our pollution is killing the planet and eventually threatening the human population, our water is still flouridated, etc etc etc, at least there have been some victories. 

Dude this decade is seriously turning into a really lame version of the sixties. No, I think we may have missed our opportunity for the sixties during Bush's reign and jumped straight to the seventies. Either way, civil rights are being fought for and won for the first time in quite a while. Gays have won the right to marry in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont and Maine. Maybe others. I don't remember. We have our first (half) black president (who's friggen gorgeous and haz a brane). 

Okay, I honestly don't know where that came from. I'm going to bed. Good night.

Advice for gays: Putting 69 as your age in an online profile isn't cute anymore. You guys really need to stop that.

Ominousity

Yes, the moon is yellow and eerie tonight. It was raining earlier, downpouring at times, but it's clear now. However, the remaining water vapor or something is still giving the night that pink effect, even if it's not totally in the clouds. The yellow moon being added to that just completes it so wonderfully. 

And this is why I loooove my new apartment. Well, that and so many more reasons. 

I'm taking a Human Biology class this summer. It began on Tuesday. Without even taking into account the fact that I still don't know how I'm going to pay for it, this is an exercise in disaster. Me and science do not mix. I can grasp concepts if they're related in the way that the subject is taught in elementary school. Add to that the fact that I'm cutting up animals, having to memorize vast amounts of barely pronounceable vocabulary words and using chemicals that will melt contact lenses and the seeds of doom have been planted. 

Now the moon has a thin cloud over it, so it looks really hazy. Seriously, can this get any better?!

...then there's that possibility that the strangeness in this night is actually an omen of what's to come in this class. Melted contacts and failure. But we won't think any more of that right now.

Advice for gays: Maybe, if you grabbed boobs a little less often, people would be less inclined to think it was a phase. Hahaha I kid of course. By all means grab every last boob available. With your soul.