New York...

...just failed to pass gay marriage into law. I'm still very upset, which is usually not the best time to write about something publicly. But I had to say something, even if it comes at a time just after I've turned off the lights to my office to cry in peace. (Current Facebook status: Jay is going downtown to find a senator and kick the crap out of him.)

Basically, fuck New York State.

And I am taking steps to actively do just that. Just this afternoon, I had finally filled out and printed my application to get a NYS drivers license. That would mean turning in my Vermont license, and my VT residency, something that I was very eager to do. Within 2 minutes of hearing the news, I put my application through the paper shredder.

How bad is it that IOWA is doing a better job with equality than New York is?

In all honesty, I am not used to being explicitly labeled second class. I am a gay white male who has rarely experienced homophobia. Even living in the mountains of Vermont, in a tiny, redneck town, I had a lot of big, redneck friends who had absolutely no problem with my sexual orientation. Everyone in my brass quintet is a (very) straight, masculine guy and every one of them accept me and my relationship.

I haven't been with Brian very long. But it's perfectly clear that we are headed toward a lifelong commitment. And that much has been clear since days into our relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that we will be married. An even more encouraging fact is that we both talk about it, but I know neither of us will propose for quite a while. This is because we want a firm foundation before taking that plunge. And we've tended to move very fast with each other, but to be very comfortable in doing so.

This is a plan that would work well in any relationship, gay or straight. The difference is that for gays, we don't have the same possible legitimacy in our relationships, even though our relationships are just as valid as straight ones. The gay divorce rate is a bit lower than the straight divorce rate if I remember correctly (I'm not looking this up right now, do it yourself and make up your own mind).

And that's just it. How can people bother "protecting" an institution that isn't even halfway successful? Over half of marriages end in divorce. It is not a sacred institution. And furthermore, it never was. The definition of marriage has changed completely over the centuries, but it has always remained one thing consistently: a legal contract.

And do we really want the original version of marriage back? In the beginning, it was a contract that identified a woman as a man's property. In the early days of this country, then in the middle days, and then into the late days, it was only for people of the same race. Personally, I prefer the 'radical' form of marriage that we have today.

I just want to see it be available for everyone.

So what are we going to do? Well, in the meantime, I'm going to pout. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry with Brian. I've already refused to become a resident of this state. Later I'm going to walk to the Capitol and stand in front giving it the finger(s) for a good 5-10 minutes. And I want to move.

Eventually I'll join the fight to try again, if there is any shot of trying again. I suppose it could be done through the courts, but all those hicks throughout upstate would probably vote it down again.

And now...

ADVICE FOR GAYS: Once again, come the fuck out of the closet. That's the best chance we have of being granted equal rights. As I've demonstrated throughout my life, if you show people what gay people are really like, they will support you. I am in a *fully* out gay couple and we rarely experience any backlash or bigotry. We are explicitly or implicitly supported almost everywhere we go. And if more of you joined us, things would be better for all of us. Get out there. Now.