Yeah, so...

It's not looking good for me staying at Saint Rose. It really is coming down to this one class. I have a strong urge to not come back next semester whether or not I pass it. It is a very frustrating place to be. Even my roommate, who works for the college, confirmed last night that the faculty of the school actively screws their students. (Not in that way, shut up.) I can't get an email or phone call returned. I called Financial Aid yesterday to find out about how to withdraw and left a message. Today I had to call again because no one returned my call. I've emailed the same professor twice about Convocation. Today I received an email saying that my Percussion Techniques notebook was ready, but nothing about the question I've asked twice. I called my old school to find out about the process of returning, caught one staff member on her lunch break and left a message. She called me back within a half hour. Now, Saint Rose isn't much larger. They're small enough to do something for their students.

In other news, I've reaffirmed how done things are with my ex. I realized through I conversation that I'm actually still having that I don't even want to hear about him anymore.  Soooo glad he's almost out of here. Then again, so am I. At least I can appreciate the irony.  I canceled the could-have-been-a-date that I had planned tonight. I'm very much not at a point where anything like that could be beneficial, whether we became friends or...anything.  

I've had this kind of disconnect from anyone and everything in my life before, usually in Wardsboro, my adopted hometown in Vermont. (I'm originally from Massachusetts.) A year or so after I graduated high school, it was a really cool place to be. Everyone just seemed to get along. Then most people turned into...um...dirty white trash is a nice way to put it. The same disconnect is happening now, except that I'm in the middle of three places: Albany, Castleton and Wardsboro. Wardsboro I left 2 years ago and I'm growing increasingly distant from. Castleton I left in August, same kind of thing, but I still keep in contact with everyone more. And Albany I never really got into in the first place. I haven't hung out with anyone except Calvin and my roommates since moving here. The people in the music department seem cool but I only have music in common with them. I say this because that's all that seems to be allowed. Any time that I have hung out with people in the music dept., usually with my weird ex, music has been the only topic of conversation. I can't handle that. I've been obsessed with music since I was born, I can't remember not having music playing in my head, but there are many other things to be interested in, and at some point in the day, music has to be done.

You know what? I can handle the fact that I sound like a whiny high schooler right now. Things are kind of crazy and falling apart...quickly. And reverting to the age of sixteen isn't so bad of a thing, when you think about it.

In happier news, my last final is tomorrow morning, and then I'm done with everything. Well, except for the cantata this weekend. But at least I'll have time to figure all of this out. I can't think of a single thing that isn't up in the air right now. I think I need to try out some new things. If I go back to Castleton, I may try to act in a play or take up yoga or start smoking crack. Get a new perspective. :P

UPDATE:  I just wrote an excuse into the department chair about missing that Convocation.  I realized that as much as I dislike Saint Rose, I dislike moving even more, and just don't want to do it again.  I love my apartment and my sketchy neighborhood and really just want to finish my degree as quickly as possible.  So I'm dropping my history minor (saving myself from getting up early every morning next semester, and giving myself extended weekends) and just finishing my BA fucking pronto.