Public Service Announcement

Apparently, nobody knows how to drive. So today, I think I'll take a moment and remind people of some important points to keep in mind while controlling a multi-thousand pound metal deathbox:

1. The speed limit, in theory, is the maximum speed allowed by the law, and anything under this speed, in theory, is legal unless otherwise posted. However, in practice, the speed limit acts more as a guideline of the minimum speed, generally with a 5-10 mph buffer above that before you'll get pulled over. With the exception of tractors, people should keep as close to the speed limit as possible, but make sure not to go too far below it. Such a thing is part of overly cautious driving, and generally creates headaches (at best). In other words, driving ten miles per hour below the speed limit is a bad idea. If for no other reason, it will get you a solid ass kicking. By me.

2. The appropriate time to enter a travelled lane of a road is either just after I go past you or before I go past you, but if you choose before, it is very important to keep our collision point in mind. This means that if I'm going 55 in a 55, and you pull out 10 feet in front of me, I have such a short amount of time to stop that I will probably collide with you. Hard. Hard enough to hurt. Perhaps hard enough to fuck your shit up. In other words, don't cut people off. I mentioned 55 as a speed that would not allow me enough time to stop if you pull out too close. At 35, I have a much better chance of stopping without hitting you, but I'll be almost as angry, and I'll still kick your ass.

3. The wheel in the sky keeps on turning. Normally, so do tires. However, the next rubbernecking weasel I see out for a quiet scenic drive when I'm running late for something may be surprised to find their tires suddenly stopping after being shot out by me. I'm buying a gun. Seriously, you people have pushed it too far. In other words, find the balance between looking up, seeing the pretty scenery and watching the road, with watching the road being the Number One priority.

4. Cops have the ability to pull you over at any time, for any offense, even if they are in the middle of a traffic stop already. However, from the other side of the highway, this is difficult. And no cop is paying attention to that. They're trying not to get creamed by the cars driving by at 70 and hoping not to get shot by the driver of the car they've pulled over. Or their dreaming of doughnuts. Either way, they have no idea that you're doing 68 in a 65. Or 99 in a 55. In other words, stop slamming on your brakes just because there is a cop with his lights on in the same county as you.

I hope this has been helpful. Many of you should probably just pretend you have your permit and drive with someone who knows what they're doing for a little while so you can learn how. And with that, good day.